Snapping Turtle: Fear

I have felt fear. As I climbed into my warm, wonted dorm bed, I felt what had become a common, cold fear. Ask me if silence is scary and I will remove any doubts that you may have previously had. Ask me if the darkness is daunting and I will not hesitate to respond. The experience has left me assured. Yet, simultaneously, the experience has taught me the exact opposite as well. Why wallow? Why worry? Why not push through so that there is nothing left to run from? Questions I asked myself and think I honestly tried to overcome. Overcome? I guess that didn’t seem likely at the time. Besides, how can such language be used when fear was as palpable as salt in water?

Bill once told us that if we continue to run from the night, it will continue to follow, but if we push through it, the other side brings dawn. Admittedly, the night carries many things unbeknownst to the eyes. On top of this the night can be much longer than anticipated, especially when you seem to “toss like a door on its hinges, first on your left side, then on your right, then your left side again.” Thoughts begin to boil up in your head – ‘Dawn definitely is not approaching. At least, I don’t think it is. The night has yet to feel colder and supposedly this means the night is yielding to the day, but I doubt it.’ The night and fear seem to go hand-in-hand. The idea of not being able to see everything is enough to swallow by itself. Yet, this alone is not what makes the night so nasty. The mountain to climb becomes steeper with the realization that the night brings on a silence completely foreign to most individuals. This is where it gets tricky. If you continue to fight the fight alone, you will continue to feel alone and the night will get consistently colder. Let the Holy Spirit brawl and the battle will be won. The dawn will quickly follow the cold and you will have reached the other side.

I have feared and left fear. I’ve been in the night and left the night. The experience has left me enlightened, in my own way. To be honest this post is not to give you concrete answers. Neither is this post to tell you that the night will be short. Instead, I write this so that you know you are not alone in this experience and you definitely are not alone during the experience.

So. Christian has skin cancer. So. He has been taking pictures. Snapping Turtle has been temporarily out of service for a while. Sorry about that.